Create the Most Important Relationship in Your Life: One with Yourself

So, you made it to 2018! Give thanks! Now is as good a time as ever to start creating a solid relationship with yourself, if you haven’t already. I am not talking about the fact that you like pizza over hot dogs. I am talking about a deeper understanding of what your true values are; your boundaries for people and things; your absolute strengths and weaknesses; your dealbreakers.

I think we all yearn to have a relationship with ourselves, but the tragedies of life force us to focus outside because dealing with pain and the images we see when our masks come off is unbearable for most. If you don’t like or have a relationship with yourself, then how would you have healthy relationships with others? How would you ever find inner happiness?

And why does it take us until we get to mid-life to start reaching out for inner peace? Somehow, this is the time that we declare definitely that our primary relationship is with our inner world and we begin to trust its guidance, no matter what. My best guess is by then we’ve been through so much in our lives, we have no choice but to sit up, take notice and start taking care.

I am learning more every day through my meditation practice to say YES to life and become available in each moment. I let go to see my existence for what it is without the need for a shield or buffer. I just show up and say, “I’m available.” Click To Tweet

Here are six ways I’ve been working on to create a better relationship with myself, and you can too.

1. Be thankful often. It’s so easy to concentrate on what’s not working out and dwell on the negative. Realize you always have the choice to look at things positively. If you’re out of work and are depressed about it, don’t feed into fear and create anxiety around never getting a job again, just try and look at it from another perspective. Now is your chance to seek out your dream job or start that project you always planned on! The choice is yours. Being grateful opens up closed doors and allows us to accept the present moment for whatever it brings us.

2. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for anything, any action toward yourself or others. Stop blaming yourself for other’s behavior. Find the lesson in every situation and learn from it instead of beating yourself up. We aren’t perfect human beings, and we’re allowed to have moments of doubt, but don’t let it turn into a lifetime of uncertainty.

3. Get in touch with your feelings. Going inside helps nurture our relationship with the outer world. It defines how we treat others; how kind we are toward another; magnifies if we judge, blame, or criticize; and also sheds light on your outer actions, and allows us work on them from the inside out.

4. Do things alone. Doing things alone might be terrifying at first, but being alone teaches us so much about ourselves. We learn to be our own best friend! Take yourself out on dates sometimes, drink wine alone in a bar, and read in the park. The upside is learning to make our own decisions, to manage our time, and to entertain ourselves without approval from others.

5. Take care of your general health. I’m currently reading “That One Thing” by Gary Keller, and it talks about “foods that elevate blood sugar over long periods, like complex carbs and proteins become the fuel for high-achievers – literal proof that you are what you eat.” Would you hurt what you love? No, right?! Great, then to take care of your physical, emotional, and intellectual health requires you to eliminate what doesn’t serve you—food, situations, and people. Instead, nurture what makes you happy and healthy and create healthy habits for yourself.

6. Stop comparing yourself to others. This is huge! We are all guilty of this. The thing to remember is that everyone is fighting a struggle we don’t know about, so it’s no use comparing or pining over what you may or may not have. Perception is reality, so start creating some real goals for yourself and start slaying them.

Getting to know yourself takes time and effort. If you desire to understand who you are in deeper ways, start by building your own Creative Wellness Toolbox. You can drop me a line at to let me know how it goes for you! I’d love to connect with you. Oh, and Happy New Year!

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